up to my eyeballs

I'm up to my eyeballs these days in schoolwork. I almost cried during my first class when I heard my professor use the words "brutal" and "extremely intense," as he described our upcoming semester. I so do NOT want the next few months of my life to consist of mostly reading textbooks and writing papers. I don't feel ready to let go of some things in life... in order to do my work well. I'm still trying to figure out balance...

Anyway... last weekend I was already drowning in my first big project of the semester. Same story this weekend as well. AAAHHH!! Well.... I found myself needing some fresh air last weekend while I was working on my project. So.... I went to the park and I started walking... and I soon realized that I had A LOT on my heart to talk to Jesus about. My tendency can be to make a mental note of the major points that need to be covered and I walk around telling Him about those points... sort of not wanting to move on until He gives me some sense of an "answer." Needless to say... those "answers" don't always come in the forms I would hope.

Last weekend was different. I was so tired... and weary from school (yes, already!!). I just wanted to BE with Him. I walked around the park... and I still had my points on my mind... but you know what?? I found that I wanted JESUS more than I wanted ANSWERS. I just enjoyed talking to Him, "Wow, Jesus, that's quite a field you made... I love how the sun makes the green grass sparkle... Did You ever see a tree look so weird before? Yeah, I guess You did..."

I'm realizing that I can TALK to Him... and that He is totally able to talk BACK. Not that I've heard His real voice much... but I do believe that I COULD. My world is being rocked by these truths. Jesus offers us Himself... I think He's in the process of moving me further out of my independence and into REST and TRUST in Him. Wow, Jesus... bring it on.