truth...

I used this passage of Scripture at the end of my paper, and oh my word, it spoke to my heart. It still is...

"Come, everyone who thirsts,

come to the waters;

and he who has no money,

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without price.

Why do you spend your money

for that which is not bread,

and your labor for that which does not satisfy?

Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good,

and delight yourselves in rich food.

Incline your ear, and come to Me;

hear, that your soul may live;

and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,

my steadfast, sure love for David."

~Isaiah 55:1-3

Well, after finally finishing that paper, the park was calling my name. Even though it was raining, I found myself pulling into the Smithville Park for a long walk. I was praying, "Lord, I've been full of RESEARCH. I want to be full of You... please speak to me." So I walked... and walked... and walked. And TWICE, I stumbled on a herd of deer, completely startling them, and I watched them run frantically through the woods with their white tails dancing all around. And then I asked again, "Jesus, are You speaking?" And He said, "Bethany, don't you remember that I know that you love deer?" And so He gave me two herds of them in one day! I felt kind of like Elijah... the Lord was not in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire... but He was in the deer. =)

Sweet victory (almost!)

The paper is half-way finished! This may sound like I’m being a little dramatic… but I’ve been having fun this weekend taking note of the blessings that have come my way as I’ve been facing the torture of this research paper. When my eyes are actually OPEN, it’s amazing what I see. Thank you, Jesus, for the simple things…

1. Nana’s amazing grilled cheese sandwiches
2. Ben and Jerry for their fabulous ice cream
3. Dr. Bechtel for helping me to combat this nasty cold
4. My momma who was actually home to come with me to the doctor’s office!
5. The makers of Kleenex… I’m on my 12^th box this week alone =)
6. Wawa’s fantastic combo of French vanilla coffee and French vanilla creamer! Amen!
7. Starbucks iced green and passion tea… the perfect balm for this sore throat
8. My dear friend Anke for bringing me lunch and a cup holder filled with THREE of my favorite beverages… saved my Thursday! =)
9. The awesome Gieselle for helping me find reference books
10. Medford Starbucks, my home away from home
11. The Daily Bible… for spurts of truth in between studying!
12. Gieselle and Bekki for taking over the Camden ministry so that I can finish well…
13. The Waltons, for comic relief
14. Marti, my boss, for giving me Friday OFF
15. iTunes… what would I do without you?
16. My faithful friends… for their prayers =)
17. Burlington County Headquarters Library—for when I just need a FEW more sources!
18. The Mt. Holly cemetery, my respite
19. Soundtrack from Narnia
20. Dinner at the Red Lion Dinner with my grandparents, my momma, and an old friend
21. Worship songs... for when my eyes just need to be lifted "up"

two small things...

1. i love cemeteries. weird, huh? well, tonight i was out walking in mt. holly again and decided to try a road that i've never been on before. i ran into lots of old, kind of dilapidated houses...not the best section of town!, and i started to think, 'hmm, maybe i should turn around.' BUT, i kept going and stumbled upon the most idyllic, quaint, quite beautiful cemetery that i have seen in a LONG time! and no one was there but me. it reminded me of the cemeteries in Germany.... so beautiful. it didn't fit in its neighborhood. so i decided that i must return there often. and the cemetery's built on a very large hill... i think i discovered the "mount" of mount holly! =)
2. i love brennan manning. somehow, i ended up on his website today, and the next thing i knew, i was on amazon.com buying two of his books. oh, bethany... well, i got excited. after being back in school this year, i kind of forgot what it's like to do your 'own' reading. but as soon as i finish this paper, i can read whatever i want! so i made a deal with myself... this summer, i'm going to do a brennan manning marathon! read as many brennan manning books as i can. i can't wait. =)

soaking up life...

I remember something that Rich Mullins said a few years before he died... something to the effect of... "the more I grow up, the more I learn to soak in life, rather than speed on by it."

Well, I skipped YAM Bible Study tonight because of that dumb 15 page paper that's still staring me in the face... and I'm just staring back at it, not really DOING anything about it just yet! AAHHH!! Anyway, the night is beautiful, so I went for a long walk... and it was just so still, so peaceful. Somehow, all of my craziness and hecticness just wanted to HALT and be still with the quiet of the evening. And then I remembered that Rich Mullins quote, and somehow, I started to slow down. I was kind of laughing to myself though and thinking-- can the words "grad student" and "slow down" be used in the same sentence?? HA... it wasn't the case so much for me this year... sadly. But it could be... I'm learning about that.

Anyway, so tonight I slowed down... and this is what I discovered-

• There is a chihuahua about 5 houses down who likes to "attack" humans. Tonight, she ran out into the street to "attack" me... obviously thinking she is much larger than she really is! Then, I cracked up while I helped my neighbor "catch" her as she ran down the street, still barking ferociously. The best part was seeing the embarrassed look on his face and hearing him rebuke her, "Kia, you know how to be a nice dog. You know how to treat our neighbors." Oh, it reminded of the way my mom and dad "talk" to Dooley. Sometimes, I'm convinced that Dooley is really my youngest sibling!
• There are MANY wonderful climbing trees in my neighborhood. I found a couple in a field that I MUST try out sometime.
• Lilacs are AMAZING! Beautiful... and the smell is INCREDIBLE. I decided that when I get married, I want lilacs everywhere!
• Irises are pretty cool too.
• I like how ducks land on water. They kind of put their "feet" out as if they are brakes, which must help them to slow down and actually come to a stop on the water. I began to wonder if we modeled our airplane brake systems after ducks!
• When "Be Still, My Soul" comes on your iPod, you gotta watch your step. It's not long before you sort of end up with your eyes closed, running into stuff.

So good old Rich encouraged me to soak up life... and the 15 page paper is not done yet... but maybe some "soaking" was in order first. =)

I have been LONGING to hear His voice...

I'm rounding out my final two weeks of the semester... ending with a bang-- a 15 page paper that I haven't quite gotten around to starting yet. Wups... And, class has been nuts. I suppose that when I signed myself up for a counseling program, I should have known that I was signing myself up for some discomfort. I just didn't realize how MUCH discomfort! And oh my word... the last few weeks have been VERY uncomfortable. No break in sight just yet... but SOON.

But pressure does something good to you too. It makes you LONG to hear the voice of Jesus and see His face. Sometimes, life tricks me into thinking that I actually can manage it on my own, but in the past few weeks, there's been no mistaking that I can't. And I'm seeing that there's blessing in that... because if I'm at the end of my rope, He's gonna have to catch me. And I know that He will... because He has so many times before.

So I stopped tonight and I looked up at the sky... and there were stars everywhere! I'm beginning to think that stars are one of the special little gifts that God has for me... because when I see them, somehow I feel like I see Him too. And you know... it's amazing. So I stop for a moment and be still and enjoy the stars... and somehow, somewhere, there's a still small voice that just reminds me that I'm loved. Even when I don't handle life's craziness well... even when I want to yell at my professor... even when I procrastinated with my 15 page paper... none of that stuff seems to stop my God from being the Dad who just wants to scoop His girl up in His arms. And I'm learning ever so slowly that this really is who He is. Oh... let me stay there tonight. And... I'll pick up with the 15 page paper tomorrow! =)