awakening

it appears that spring is coming.  oh how i love it.  i've walked around this week sort of in wonder at the flowers, trees, leaves, birds... seems like it's been so LONG.  i love spring more and more every year.  i walked out of my door the other morning and almost ran into a bright red cardinal... it was so the Lord reminding me that spring always comes... just like He promised that joy always comes in the morning.

i admitted to some friends the other night that it's been a hard year... for many reasons.  i can still feel the effects of some of what i've carried this year.  life--along with pain--takes time to process and work through.  for me, the time factor has not been a welcome one.  i find myself often geared up to "move on" and "get on with it," sometimes to the neglect of my own heart and the pain there.  Jesus has been so kind to stop me and say, "daughter, for your good, we will not move on yet.  we need to stay here for a little while longer."  and i pout in the corner because i do not understand... but He does.  so we stay.

but spring comes... and to me, spring means healing.  healing of wounds that i didn't even know i had... the embrace of love and grace that i so desperately need... the invitation to open myself and offer my heart to experience the embrace of others... the vulnerability to invite Jesus to be my Friend in my car rides back and forth from work, to get on my knees like a child and ask Him to show me what Abba means... the gentleness to look up and ask Him to teach me about love.  it's the willingness to let go and open wide my arms and let Him grab me and take care of me.

and if i sound like i'm "there" or like i've got it made, then i am entirely fooling you!  what i mean to say is that i hear the gentle voice calling me to go deeper into Him, into a safe place that i didn't even know existed, a place that i hardly understand yet... but i know it's time to go.  i know that life--by virtue of being life--will continue to be painful in ways that i cannot expect or prepare for from where i now sit.  this cannot stop me though from moving more deeply into Him.  joy comes in the morning... spring comes after winter... i'm thankful that this is part of His beautiful design.