once-in-a-lifetime friend

To a million heart-to-hearts, a trillion cups of coffee, and the greatest friend a girl could ever have...

"May the LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the LORD lift up His countenance upon you

and give you peace."

I'm deeply, deeply grateful for what's been and I look forward with excitement to what's to come.  With Jesus at the lead, I can't begin to imagine what the future will look like... I just know that you'll be in it!

Godspeed.  Go with Him... 

a tribute to coffee and the phils

Have you ever thought about how certain aspects of your life can become a bit more obvious when other people are experiencing them with you?  It can be a really funny (and enlightening!) experience.

A dear friend came to visit me a couple of weeks ago from England.  She told me from the beginning that one of the things she wanted to do while here was just to "live my life with me."  While we did some great sight-seeing and went to some special events, much of her time here was just spent with me, joining me in my "normal" life.  We had a great time, and I learned some valuable things about myself through her visit...

1. I am much more of a Phillies fan than I ever knew.  Debbie visited me for 4 whole days, and in that span, I realized that I wore 3 different Phillies shirts.  We listened to portions of games on the radio in the car... we watched innings on tv before we watched the movies that we meant to be watching.  In my excitement, I told her all about my favorite players and explained more about the rules of the game than I think she ever asked to know!  Also, every day I couldn't really begin my day until I visited "phillies.com" and caught myself up on all of the latest Phillies news.  I never knew that I could be such a fan.  But I am... I love those Phillies... and I secretly hoped that Debbie would come out of the experience a Phillies fan as well.  So I need to ask... did it work, Debbie? ;)

2. I also learned--and this was not such a huge surprise!--that I really, really love coffee.  Debbie and I gave up counting how many times we pulled my car into Dunkin Donuts during her short visit.  It became a well-accepted joke between us that Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks were becoming our homes away from home.  We went to Starbucks whenever we could... and we went to Dunkin Donuts whenever we couldn't find Starbucks.  We sort of structured our whole New York City trip around Starbucks.  We made sure that we went to Dunkin Donuts every day before work.  I so enjoyed having a friend who loved the coffee trips as much as I did (you did... right, Debbie? ;). 

And then... I discovered that my behaviors continued into last week when I flew up to Maine to visit my parents.

1. I walked out of the plane into the Bangor airport wearing my "my heart belongs to the Phillies" shirt and was met by cheers of "go Phillies"!  I smiled and cheered right along with them.  I paid money to be able to watch the games on my parents' computer in Maine, and I stayed up late to watch those games since the Phils were playing in Los Angeles.  I continued my practice of reading the Phillies news every morning, and I would then give my dad a full report on the best pitchers and hitters, who was playing well and who wasn't, etc.  I'm not sure if he enjoyed my daily reports as much as I did... but for me, it was fun!

2. On Sunday afternoon after church, I had such a craving for an iced coffee that I willingly (and happily!) drove one hour each way to the nearest Dunkin Donuts to my parents' house in Maine.  Only the dog would join me in the car... I think my parents thought I was crazy.  But nevertheless, I returned quite satisfied.

So... I'm learning about myself that I enjoy coffee and the Phillies much more than I ever knew.  I remember the words of James, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights." It is good for life to be filled with good things, and I gobble up these gifts with gratitude. =)

And I think that when I get to heaven, Jesus will be waiting for me with a big cup of coffee, a Phils cap, and a smile.

maybe someday...

...i will become a monk.  i know it is impossible, but please go with me for a moment here.  i'm finding myself drawn to monasteries lately.  monasteries!  who knew?  i've written about my recent adventures of searching for Henri Nouwen and his temporary monastery-home in Freiburg, Germany.  i met friars, visited chapels and confession booths, and wandered through gardens.

and today, i'm thinking about Mafra, the palace/monastery (Franciscan, i might add!) right outside of Lisbon in Portugal.  my dear friend Deb and i got to visit it last summer.  it's beautiful, breathtaking.  one of my favorite cousins is going to Mafra this fall with her new husband... it's been on my mind after talking about it with her.  i just read that Mafra, in the 18th century, was vying for the title "largest building in Europe."  it's a really, really cool place.

so today, in my heart, i am a monk and i live in Freiburg... or Mafra.  for just a few moments, i can put on my (imaginary) ceremonial robes and solemnly walk around my (imaginary) monastery and focus, center my soul.  this is why a part of my heart is drawn to the whole mystic/living in a cave thing.  i'm too much of a people-person to consider living in a monastery or cave for very long, but i do love the idea of being in a place where it's easy to be still and hear the voice of Jesus.  i know He speaks, and i long to hear Him.

tomorrow, i'm headed to Maine for a week.  not Freiburg... not Mafra.  i don't think i'll see any monks there, and i'm quite sure i won't come back one!  but it's beautiful... it's quiet... my mom and dad are there... and Jesus speaks.  i'm looking forward to spending some time with Him.

finding Henri (sort of...!)

i am now safely home... thank you, Jesus.  i guess i haven't even been home for 24 hours yet... but it feels like a looong time.  jetlag has a way of just making you feel really weird and throwing off any sense of normal time.  so in my confusion about what time it is, what day it is, what country i'm in, etc, i want to write about a little adventure that i had--and thoroughly enjoyed!--during my last weekend in Germany.

i already wrote about how freiburg, germany is becoming a very special place to me because of my recently-found connection with henri nouwen.  i absolutely love his book 'life of the beloved' and learned not too long ago that he wrote the book while living in freiburg.  so... i have returned to freiburg a couple of times just to swallow up all of the nostalgia i can... and to search for any traces of henri that might still be there!

this past weekend... well, it was pretty incredible.  my two companions (c and p) and i spent a lazy saturday afternoon in freiburg... wandering around, meandering through the streets, and eating bratwurst!  i explained to them about my recent love for henri, told them that he wrote his book while living in the franciscan community of freiburg, and wondered aloud if it might be possible for us to find that franciscan community.

as we were meandering, we looked up to see a man in a very white robe walking down the street.  c promptly identified him as a monk and suggested that we should follow him and ask about the franciscan community... so we did.  except he was walking very fast... so we had to chase him down the street!  we must have been a funny sight-- 3 women running after a monk!  we finally caught him and learned that he was a monk from the dominican order, not the franciscan order... but he knew about the franciscan community and kindly gave us directions to find it.

we hopped on a tram (and first went the wrong direction through the city!) and then followed
the directions he gave us.  after asking several people along the way, we finally stumbled upon the franciscan monastery... the very place we had been searching for!

in excitement, we ran up to the front door, but then we sort of hesitated... we were definitely 3 women approaching a monastery... full of males!  do women even visit monasteries?  we had no idea!  what would they say?  so we rang the doorbell... and we waited... and finally, a Polish friar came to the door and spoke a little bit of English.  i showed him my book and told him about henri nouwen and why we were there... he assured us this was definitely the place where henri would have stayed and written the book.  

we were still standing outside when c bravely spoke up and asked if we could have a tour of the monastery.  the friar said yes! and he walked us through the building, showing us the chapel, library, dining hall, and gardens.  we then met another monk in the gardens who spoke even more English and explained more to us about the monastery.  there we were in the garden-- 3 girls, 1 friar, and 1 monk! =)

we thanked our new friends and then walked a block or two down the street to visit the cathedral which we had been told was henri's "church" while he lived in freiburg.  we snuck in the back door while evening mass was going on, sat in on a bit of the service, and snuck a few photos.

it was an adventure that i will never forget.  i guess you really can't find a dead guy... but we came pretty close!  and we now we have an open invitation to visit the franciscan monastery in freiburg whenever we want. =)

last day

i planned to go to church today... my last full day in Germany.  but i didn't quite make it.  instead, i ended up at the bakery with a coffee and a pastry, and here i sit on my balcony with that coffee, pastry, and my good old OJ.  as i sit here, a complete rush of thoughts and emotions come to the surface and begin to flood me.  i try to process them one by one, but finally, i just tell the Lord, "oh Jesus, there's so much.  i can't begin to process.  will You help me?"

my weeks here have been wonderful, full, deep... all of the things that make life wonderful and precious.  there have been so many moments that i will hold close to my heart for a long time... i'm so grateful for them.  but the weeks have also been incredibly busy.  i've struggled with embracing one of the parts of me that i enjoy most-- the part that just wants to sit, soak, ponder, and talk with the Lord.  there just hasn't been time or space for too much of that.  so i sit on my balcony and i start to talk to Jesus and tears come to my eyes.  i tell Him about my gratitude for the blessings which have come to me in magnitude, but i also tell Him about my sadness and disappointment that i didn't take more time to deepen and soak in more of my relationship with Him.

but then... just as the tears and the apology come to the surface, something really amazing happens.  i get the image of a Father coming to His little daughter and picking her up, kissing her forehead, and holding her tight.  and i remember those words that Jesus said to my friend Brennan, "don't apologize... come on out and play."  i sit here and i can't get past the fact that the Father is my Father and the daughter is me.

and i just want to say that this is what makes our God so different and so wonderful.  when we think the pressure is on us, He lifts our head and shows us that the pressure is gone.  when we get stuck in the cramped style of legalism and performance, He washes us with the truths of forgiveness and grace.  He enables us to share those truths with others.  He shows me that i'm His... and that that truth is a permanent one.  i'm filled with gratitude.

favorites

walking out on my balcony and receiving warm and friendly greetings from the sheep who live in the pasture next door

driving through one hill of Black Forest after another... and finding that the hills of the Black Forest really do never end

driving kilometer after kilometer on autobahn A2 and rounding that last bend to see the snow-capped Alps in the distance

standing in those snow-capped mountains and feeling a stillness and grandeur so powerful that my fast-paced heart really does begin to find its stillness

enjoying a seeming never-ending supply of goat cheese

wandering through Freiburg and hearing the faint sound of Pachelbel's Canon in the distance... following the sound and finding a brass quartet on a street corner... standing there and savoring the music... purchasing their CD... taking a piece of Freiburg home with me =)

being completely stopped in my tracks when I walk out on my balcony at dusk to find that the sky has turned a complete other-worldly shade of pink

getting more excited than I ever thought possible at the sight of a McDonalds... or a Starbucks!

...eating 2 times in 2 days at that same McDonalds... when do I ever do that at home??

standing on a hill and looking around me in every direction... and finding only vineyards as far as my eye can see

taking care of someone's plants, learning how to be a real gardener, and stopping for a few moments to actually listen to the plants as they drink in the water!

learning the hard way that the Black Forest trees really aren't such bad "facilities" after all (when they have to be!) =)

discussing the limitless possibilities of "Mr. South" ; )

opening the pages of a Henri Nouwen book and finding that somehow, he put into words all that's been residing in my heart for the past few weeks

finding, when you feel completely undeserving, that the still, small Voice really does whisper all around you, "you are my beloved... well done, child"

seeing with my own eyes that simple love really makes more of a difference than I could ever imagine

feeling the hankering for a salad... stepping out on the balcony for a visit to my borrowed lettuce plant... and returning with the makings of a great green salad!

hearing my phone ring... and answering the phone to find the voice of my mom on the other end of the line

feeling homesick, missing home... at the EXACT same time as when my best friend hops on Facebook and says "let's talk"

experiencing deep gratitude for the presence of latte macchiatos, eis kaffee, and Nescafe frappe mix... when there isn't a Starbucks in sight!

FLYING through the Alps at almost mach speed on a really fun scooter!

visiting old friends... and receiving the privilege of holding and cuddling their newborn daughter

receiving kindness, warmth, and friendship at just the right time and in unexpected places

hopping on bikes with a friend and soaring through the greenest fields I have ever seen

eating dinner at a cafe next to the Rhein River in Switzerland and thinking to myself, "is this for real??"

looking up into the night sky and seeing the same familiar site of the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt

finding that the familiar-ness of your iPod can be the most comforting thing in homesickness

realizing that in exactly one week's time... I will be HOME!!

a violin maker and a miniature horse

Sometimes, it's the little things that make life special... the little things that open up heaven for just a moment and give you a glimpse of God's smile.  Yesterday marked the 2 week point for me... in 2 weeks, I will be on a plane headed home.  It's hard for me to believe.  Time is flying by... the busier the days, the faster time flies.  I have a hard time keeping up... so I very much enjoy when the little things stop me in my tracks and help me to see.

I went to visit some friends for dinner last night.  On the way to his house, my friend wanted to pull off for an "errand."  I pulled the car over, followed him across the street and through a door, and found myself in a small shop belonging to a real violin maker!  It was incredible.  I was surrounded by beautiful polished, completed violins, along with many assorted pieces of violins still to be put together.  I just stood there, trying to take it all in.  My friend introduced me to all of the workers in the violin shop, and in halting English, they told me their stories about how they first became violin makers.  It was amazing... beautiful.  I left the violin shop, still trying to take it all in... only in Europe would I be driving through a little German village with a friend and land myself in a violin maker's shop.  I feel like I am in another world... and I love it.














After a wonderful time of visiting my friends, I let my GPS guide me back to the village where I am staying.  It avoided the main roads completely and had me driving through all kinds of winding roads through all kinds of farms... and vineyards!  At one point in the trip, I looked around me and all I could see were vineyards... every hill around me was covered in them.  It was beautiful... I love vineyards, especially German ones.  (Germans are so meticulous... everything is always lined up perfectly.  Makes the vineyards seem even more beautiful!)

















The road wound me past a pasture full of horses, and as I rounded a bend, I looked up and saw a miniature horse standing on the side of the road, completely outside the fence and the pasture.  All of the other horses were in the fence, but he wasn't.  There's a special place in my heart for animals and I haven't seen too many miniature horses in my life... so I just really enjoyed that one.  It was almost as if he was standing outside of the gate just so that I could drive by and see him.  I loved it.

















So... I went to have dinner with friends, and in the process, I met violin makers, drove through all kinds of vineyards, and almost ran into a miniature horse.  I love moments like that which take me completely by surprise.  Thanks, Lord, for beauty in the busyness.