I love the outdoors... I've actually spent the past 24 hours praying that I might someday have a chance to do the whole Appalachian Trail. =) But yesterday, I could not help but notice that I was the only one on Little Squaw mountain... no other cars were at the trail head, no other human beings on the trail. And I also ran into something that I found alarming-- I looked at the trail and was quite sure I saw the prints of a bear right near the prints of my own shoes. Later, I found scat that looked like it also belonged to a bear. I guess it's possible that the print and the scat were old and that the bear was far away from me... but I did not know for sure! My imagination ran wild, and I was afraid. I prayed and I prayed and I recited Psalm 46 (in my head, not out loud-- so as to not startle the bear that might be lingering!!) and I pulled my determined self together and forged my way to the top. And I made it. And I made it the whole way down... no bears.
But my dad had told me that bears don't like water... so guess what? I made sure that I knew where every pond and lake and stream was on that mountain. I also periodically checked my proximity to all of those bodies of water... trying to determine how easy or difficult it might be for me to run and jump into that water if I needed to escape a bear!
I am a girl who loves nature and loves beauty and loves Jesus, but on that day, I found myself anxiously scanning the trees for bears and mentally logging the presence of all bodies of water on that mountain. While my wilderness self forged ahead and kept telling me that I have never heard of a hiker being attacked by bears in these parts, my other self felt petrified and very aware that I was a girl alone on that mountain who had no idea where the bear might be. I felt shaken, even after I was safely down the mountain.
So tonight, I listened as the Phillies beat the Cardinals in 10 innings (yippee!), and then I turned off the radio and I paused and I asked Jesus some questions that have been lingering in my heart since yesterday... Jesus, what do You think of bears? Really. And what do You think of this girl who is afraid of bears?
I think His answer is one that I already know... yet one that I can never get enough of. I have heard Him speaking to me these words several times over the past few days. I hope He will tell me until the day I die. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." O Jesus, I come. And I find that there is no exception clause for girls who are afraid of bears. He does not ask me to conquer the fear... He asks me to hold on to Him, to follow where He leads. I often don't know where He's leading me, but I know for sure that I would rather face the bears with Him than without Him.
So I continue to learn to trust Him. Shoot, what a crazy road this is! What a good road it is. I get to climb mountains of many shapes and sizes and I get to face my bears with a very good Guide who holds me tight and leads me one step at a time. I continue to learn to hold on to His hand and follow His leading.
when I made it to the top of Little Squaw
(if you look really closely, you can see Kineo in the distance)
the shore of Little Moose Pond, where the trail led me (and where I was ready to jump in the water if the bear came!)
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