seeing

I've been aware that I've been sort of a mess lately... and my every inclination has been to SIFT, figure out, come to grips, etc, etc... trying to be a little less "messy" than I currently feel. Only it doesn't really work that way, I'm finding out.

So I've been living life at mach speed... taking very little time to slow down. For one thing, I don't HAVE very much time to slow down, but sometimes, I like it that way... because it saves me from having to sit in my own messiness. But then, this week, there's moments when I can hear His whisper, "Beth, are you willing to sit in your messiness if you know that I'm there too?"

I remembered today that I'm not invited to approach the Throne of Grace only when the craziness inside of me is quiet. No... I'm invited to COME even when I've been doing everything in my own power to quiet myself... and it's not working. Shoot, I just remembered that verse in Zephaniah 3-- "HE will quiet you with His love." I need Jesus to quiet me... as only He can.

And then He astounds me. There's moments, even while I'm running at mach speed, when I swear that He just shows up anyhow... like when the fall night sky is so crisp and so clear and the stars are just shining and Orion's belt looks like a big Hand and I could swear that it's His hand reaching for me. That's happened 2 nights in a row now. Or when I get together with a good friend and spending time with her is like spending time with Him... and she reminds me, even without actually saying it, that nothing can take me from the love of Jesus. Or when I come to another friend's house to watch her dog for the weekend... and that dog is so soft and cuddly and GENTLE... like somehow Jesus knew that I would really enjoy a cuddly, gentle dog. And especially when I'm working on a horribly loooooong research paper and I realize that the timing falls perfectly for a visit to my parents. I hole up with my laptop on their couch, my mom makes Christmas cookies and my dad makes me coffee, and I watch the snow falling outside. I think Jesus is in that too.

On the one hand, I might sound silly for seeing Jesus in stars and dogs and coffee... but I guess it's just part of His goodness that He shows up in all kinds of ways... reminding me that He is the lifter of my head... and that He loves when I see Him... in whatever form He might come. He really is very good.

Happy thanksgiving, friends.