finding Henri (sort of...!)

i am now safely home... thank you, Jesus.  i guess i haven't even been home for 24 hours yet... but it feels like a looong time.  jetlag has a way of just making you feel really weird and throwing off any sense of normal time.  so in my confusion about what time it is, what day it is, what country i'm in, etc, i want to write about a little adventure that i had--and thoroughly enjoyed!--during my last weekend in Germany.

i already wrote about how freiburg, germany is becoming a very special place to me because of my recently-found connection with henri nouwen.  i absolutely love his book 'life of the beloved' and learned not too long ago that he wrote the book while living in freiburg.  so... i have returned to freiburg a couple of times just to swallow up all of the nostalgia i can... and to search for any traces of henri that might still be there!

this past weekend... well, it was pretty incredible.  my two companions (c and p) and i spent a lazy saturday afternoon in freiburg... wandering around, meandering through the streets, and eating bratwurst!  i explained to them about my recent love for henri, told them that he wrote his book while living in the franciscan community of freiburg, and wondered aloud if it might be possible for us to find that franciscan community.

as we were meandering, we looked up to see a man in a very white robe walking down the street.  c promptly identified him as a monk and suggested that we should follow him and ask about the franciscan community... so we did.  except he was walking very fast... so we had to chase him down the street!  we must have been a funny sight-- 3 women running after a monk!  we finally caught him and learned that he was a monk from the dominican order, not the franciscan order... but he knew about the franciscan community and kindly gave us directions to find it.

we hopped on a tram (and first went the wrong direction through the city!) and then followed
the directions he gave us.  after asking several people along the way, we finally stumbled upon the franciscan monastery... the very place we had been searching for!

in excitement, we ran up to the front door, but then we sort of hesitated... we were definitely 3 women approaching a monastery... full of males!  do women even visit monasteries?  we had no idea!  what would they say?  so we rang the doorbell... and we waited... and finally, a Polish friar came to the door and spoke a little bit of English.  i showed him my book and told him about henri nouwen and why we were there... he assured us this was definitely the place where henri would have stayed and written the book.  

we were still standing outside when c bravely spoke up and asked if we could have a tour of the monastery.  the friar said yes! and he walked us through the building, showing us the chapel, library, dining hall, and gardens.  we then met another monk in the gardens who spoke even more English and explained more to us about the monastery.  there we were in the garden-- 3 girls, 1 friar, and 1 monk! =)

we thanked our new friends and then walked a block or two down the street to visit the cathedral which we had been told was henri's "church" while he lived in freiburg.  we snuck in the back door while evening mass was going on, sat in on a bit of the service, and snuck a few photos.

it was an adventure that i will never forget.  i guess you really can't find a dead guy... but we came pretty close!  and we now we have an open invitation to visit the franciscan monastery in freiburg whenever we want. =)

last day

i planned to go to church today... my last full day in Germany.  but i didn't quite make it.  instead, i ended up at the bakery with a coffee and a pastry, and here i sit on my balcony with that coffee, pastry, and my good old OJ.  as i sit here, a complete rush of thoughts and emotions come to the surface and begin to flood me.  i try to process them one by one, but finally, i just tell the Lord, "oh Jesus, there's so much.  i can't begin to process.  will You help me?"

my weeks here have been wonderful, full, deep... all of the things that make life wonderful and precious.  there have been so many moments that i will hold close to my heart for a long time... i'm so grateful for them.  but the weeks have also been incredibly busy.  i've struggled with embracing one of the parts of me that i enjoy most-- the part that just wants to sit, soak, ponder, and talk with the Lord.  there just hasn't been time or space for too much of that.  so i sit on my balcony and i start to talk to Jesus and tears come to my eyes.  i tell Him about my gratitude for the blessings which have come to me in magnitude, but i also tell Him about my sadness and disappointment that i didn't take more time to deepen and soak in more of my relationship with Him.

but then... just as the tears and the apology come to the surface, something really amazing happens.  i get the image of a Father coming to His little daughter and picking her up, kissing her forehead, and holding her tight.  and i remember those words that Jesus said to my friend Brennan, "don't apologize... come on out and play."  i sit here and i can't get past the fact that the Father is my Father and the daughter is me.

and i just want to say that this is what makes our God so different and so wonderful.  when we think the pressure is on us, He lifts our head and shows us that the pressure is gone.  when we get stuck in the cramped style of legalism and performance, He washes us with the truths of forgiveness and grace.  He enables us to share those truths with others.  He shows me that i'm His... and that that truth is a permanent one.  i'm filled with gratitude.

favorites

walking out on my balcony and receiving warm and friendly greetings from the sheep who live in the pasture next door

driving through one hill of Black Forest after another... and finding that the hills of the Black Forest really do never end

driving kilometer after kilometer on autobahn A2 and rounding that last bend to see the snow-capped Alps in the distance

standing in those snow-capped mountains and feeling a stillness and grandeur so powerful that my fast-paced heart really does begin to find its stillness

enjoying a seeming never-ending supply of goat cheese

wandering through Freiburg and hearing the faint sound of Pachelbel's Canon in the distance... following the sound and finding a brass quartet on a street corner... standing there and savoring the music... purchasing their CD... taking a piece of Freiburg home with me =)

being completely stopped in my tracks when I walk out on my balcony at dusk to find that the sky has turned a complete other-worldly shade of pink

getting more excited than I ever thought possible at the sight of a McDonalds... or a Starbucks!

...eating 2 times in 2 days at that same McDonalds... when do I ever do that at home??

standing on a hill and looking around me in every direction... and finding only vineyards as far as my eye can see

taking care of someone's plants, learning how to be a real gardener, and stopping for a few moments to actually listen to the plants as they drink in the water!

learning the hard way that the Black Forest trees really aren't such bad "facilities" after all (when they have to be!) =)

discussing the limitless possibilities of "Mr. South" ; )

opening the pages of a Henri Nouwen book and finding that somehow, he put into words all that's been residing in my heart for the past few weeks

finding, when you feel completely undeserving, that the still, small Voice really does whisper all around you, "you are my beloved... well done, child"

seeing with my own eyes that simple love really makes more of a difference than I could ever imagine

feeling the hankering for a salad... stepping out on the balcony for a visit to my borrowed lettuce plant... and returning with the makings of a great green salad!

hearing my phone ring... and answering the phone to find the voice of my mom on the other end of the line

feeling homesick, missing home... at the EXACT same time as when my best friend hops on Facebook and says "let's talk"

experiencing deep gratitude for the presence of latte macchiatos, eis kaffee, and Nescafe frappe mix... when there isn't a Starbucks in sight!

FLYING through the Alps at almost mach speed on a really fun scooter!

visiting old friends... and receiving the privilege of holding and cuddling their newborn daughter

receiving kindness, warmth, and friendship at just the right time and in unexpected places

hopping on bikes with a friend and soaring through the greenest fields I have ever seen

eating dinner at a cafe next to the Rhein River in Switzerland and thinking to myself, "is this for real??"

looking up into the night sky and seeing the same familiar site of the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt

finding that the familiar-ness of your iPod can be the most comforting thing in homesickness

realizing that in exactly one week's time... I will be HOME!!

a violin maker and a miniature horse

Sometimes, it's the little things that make life special... the little things that open up heaven for just a moment and give you a glimpse of God's smile.  Yesterday marked the 2 week point for me... in 2 weeks, I will be on a plane headed home.  It's hard for me to believe.  Time is flying by... the busier the days, the faster time flies.  I have a hard time keeping up... so I very much enjoy when the little things stop me in my tracks and help me to see.

I went to visit some friends for dinner last night.  On the way to his house, my friend wanted to pull off for an "errand."  I pulled the car over, followed him across the street and through a door, and found myself in a small shop belonging to a real violin maker!  It was incredible.  I was surrounded by beautiful polished, completed violins, along with many assorted pieces of violins still to be put together.  I just stood there, trying to take it all in.  My friend introduced me to all of the workers in the violin shop, and in halting English, they told me their stories about how they first became violin makers.  It was amazing... beautiful.  I left the violin shop, still trying to take it all in... only in Europe would I be driving through a little German village with a friend and land myself in a violin maker's shop.  I feel like I am in another world... and I love it.














After a wonderful time of visiting my friends, I let my GPS guide me back to the village where I am staying.  It avoided the main roads completely and had me driving through all kinds of winding roads through all kinds of farms... and vineyards!  At one point in the trip, I looked around me and all I could see were vineyards... every hill around me was covered in them.  It was beautiful... I love vineyards, especially German ones.  (Germans are so meticulous... everything is always lined up perfectly.  Makes the vineyards seem even more beautiful!)

















The road wound me past a pasture full of horses, and as I rounded a bend, I looked up and saw a miniature horse standing on the side of the road, completely outside the fence and the pasture.  All of the other horses were in the fence, but he wasn't.  There's a special place in my heart for animals and I haven't seen too many miniature horses in my life... so I just really enjoyed that one.  It was almost as if he was standing outside of the gate just so that I could drive by and see him.  I loved it.

















So... I went to have dinner with friends, and in the process, I met violin makers, drove through all kinds of vineyards, and almost ran into a miniature horse.  I love moments like that which take me completely by surprise.  Thanks, Lord, for beauty in the busyness.

this is my story, this is my song

One of the things that Jesus laid on my heart as I was preparing for this trip was that I need to take some time to write my story... write it all out, get it all on paper.  Why?... I'm not really sure.  I just know that I think I heard His whisper and I think that's what He said... and I think I'd like to do it.  I haven't started yet, but I hope I will... soon.

This afternoon, I was sitting out on my balcony... clear blue sky, sun shining, light breeze, the hills standing out there as clear and strong as ever... pretty much a perfect day.  And I stumbled on these verses almost by accident.

"Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms,
        but they did not know that I had healed them.
  I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love,
  and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws,
        and I bent down to them and fed them."
                        ~Hosea 11:3-4


I almost shouted out loud-- that's it!  that's my story!!  that's what Jesus did for me!  So I think I'll start right there...

my German neighbors

To celebrate the completion of the final day of the second week of class, our group got together tonight for a meal of Turkish kabaps and a movie.  I left the movie early and returned home to find Konrad, my downstairs German neighbor, outside tending his gardens.  Konrad is an avid gardener and every beautiful flower on the property is completely his doing.  I enjoy his handiwork every day, and I take every opportunity I can to tell him so.  As I was walking up the path tonight to return home, he gestured to me and turned to say something to his wife Helga... he then motioned that I should join them in their yard.  As I did so, he pointed to his barbeque and asked if I would like to join he and Helga for dinner.  I had already eaten one dinner, but I could not and would not turn down this invitation!

So tonight I sat at Konrad and Helga's front porch picnic table and enjoyed a second dinner of bratwurst, tomatoes, and wine (they pronounce it "veen"... always cracks me up!).  It was both a precious and hilarious experience... as I sat there contemplating how I could force 7 sausages into my already full stomach (yes, they gave me 7 sausages!), and how I would manage to drink the glasses of red wine that they kept refilling for me!  Oh my, I can't usually drink more than 1 glass of wine in a sitting... but what can you do when you don't even know how to politely refuse in a language you don't understand?  It was hilarious.  Helga could tell that I enjoyed her tomatoes and kept telling me to eat alles... all of them--the whole plate!  I puffed out my cheeks, gestured that I was stuffed, and said danke schoen ("thank you").  They then invited me into their home and showed me all of their photos from their trips this past year to Italy and Switzerland.

It was beautiful.  I don't understand much German at all.  They know a bit more English than my German... but our conversation was still choppy at best.  But we're still God's creation, made in His image... and somehow as different as we are, we still get and enjoy each other.  I found myself sitting in Konrad and Helga's apartment, speaking in halting sentences, looking at all of their photos, and thanking Jesus for the opportunity to share this time with them.

I love my home and I love my friends and family... they are the nearest and dearest to my heart.  But tonight I have been struck by the fellowship available with people who don't know your language, your history, your heritage, your culture, or anything about your life.  They are just simple, hospitable, kind people who offer for me to share in their dinner of bratwurst, tomatoes, and veen... but yet I enjoy it and enjoy them so much.  The image of God is a beautiful thing.  It was one of those moments in which I wish I had my camera to capture it forever.