up to my eyeballs

I'm up to my eyeballs these days in schoolwork. I almost cried during my first class when I heard my professor use the words "brutal" and "extremely intense," as he described our upcoming semester. I so do NOT want the next few months of my life to consist of mostly reading textbooks and writing papers. I don't feel ready to let go of some things in life... in order to do my work well. I'm still trying to figure out balance...

Anyway... last weekend I was already drowning in my first big project of the semester. Same story this weekend as well. AAAHHH!! Well.... I found myself needing some fresh air last weekend while I was working on my project. So.... I went to the park and I started walking... and I soon realized that I had A LOT on my heart to talk to Jesus about. My tendency can be to make a mental note of the major points that need to be covered and I walk around telling Him about those points... sort of not wanting to move on until He gives me some sense of an "answer." Needless to say... those "answers" don't always come in the forms I would hope.

Last weekend was different. I was so tired... and weary from school (yes, already!!). I just wanted to BE with Him. I walked around the park... and I still had my points on my mind... but you know what?? I found that I wanted JESUS more than I wanted ANSWERS. I just enjoyed talking to Him, "Wow, Jesus, that's quite a field you made... I love how the sun makes the green grass sparkle... Did You ever see a tree look so weird before? Yeah, I guess You did..."

I'm realizing that I can TALK to Him... and that He is totally able to talk BACK. Not that I've heard His real voice much... but I do believe that I COULD. My world is being rocked by these truths. Jesus offers us Himself... I think He's in the process of moving me further out of my independence and into REST and TRUST in Him. Wow, Jesus... bring it on.

land of the free

This past weekend, I was on the other side of the airport. Usually, when I'm at the Philadelphia airport, I'm the exhausted traveler returning from an international flight, wrestling my luggage down the runway and anxiously scanning the crowd for the familiar faces of my family. But on Sunday, it was my turn to be on the "family" side of the runway, as I waited to pick up a good friend who was returning from an international flight.

Her flight was delayed, so I found myself a comfortable seat in the International Arrivals Hall and waited for her flight to land. Typically the tired traveler, I usually run through that hall as quickly as possible, find my family, and finally go home! Sunday was different. I had TIME. So I sat and read my book... but I also found myself overwhelmed by my surroundings and I had to stop just to take it all in. I love airports, but I was especially struck by this one. The International Arrivals Hall where I was sitting was built with an amazingly high vaulted ceiling that just attracts all kinds of sunlight. It was built to highlight and celebrate freedom, and you can tell. All over the walls are quotes from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. One wall in particular is dedicated just to signatures... signatures of all of the "signers" of the Declaration of Independence. There was John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Hancock... and a million others that I didn't know. Life, Liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness are scribbled on another of the walls. It's a sobering... and inspiring... place to be. And it's just an airport! But sitting in that huge room, surrounded by so many reminders of American heritage... I felt like I was a part of something so much greater and bigger than myself.

I found myself sitting there and talking to Jesus. Our heritage is so rich... we have so much and we've been blessed beyond measure. We are free! Not everyone in the world can say that. I realized that I take it for granted all of the time.

I need to be reminded of where we came from. I want to visit Philadelphia more often and experience the history there and continue to be inspired by the men and women who knew what they believed and stood and FOUGHT for it... even in the face of great difficulty and opposition. Hundreds of years later, I am reaping the benefits of their choices. I'm inspired by their strength and courage, and I'm thankful for the freedom we have because of it. I pray that it continues for a LONG time.

real...

i've always loved this...

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy up the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are Real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled."

~The Velveteen Rabbit

and then He shows up!

I was complaining today. I took a small walk at lunch time and complained to God for a little while. God, where are You? I kept asking Him. I don't like complaining... I'm much more comfortable being as positive as possible. BUT... the fact of the matter was that I was NOT feeling positive today. I'm learning that it's better to be honest with God... I suppose, even if that means that I have to complain!

I returned to my office after my complaining spree and was about to make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch (yuck, right??), when in walks one of my co-workers. "Bethany, I made soup and I have extra. Want some?" And she gave me this delicious bowl of orzo and meatball soup for lunch. To her, it was probably a very small thing. I hope this doesn't sound silly, but to me, it was HUGE... the Voice of Jesus saying, "See, daughter. I'm here. I'm with you. I'm taking care of you. Enjoy your soup."

And then, over delicious soup, my co-worker and I had an awesome moment of sharing truth... "Blessed are those who have NOT seen and yet believe," said Jesus. Yes, I think His followers continue to learn the power of those words, as we continue to follow Him. Man, sometimes it seems to kill me when I HAVEN'T seen and yet I'm called to believe... but then, there's NOTHING like returning from a complaining session to find a hot bowl of soup waiting for you... and the smile of Heaven shining down on you.

it just gets better and better...

Whoever reads this... well, I should probably warn you that you might be barraged by Brennan Manning quotes in the next few days! I'm finishing up the last few chapters of The Importance of Being Foolish, and it's just SO GOOD. I've got to share... I can't help myself.

"To be a child of the Father, like Jesus, is really to delight in this relationship and to fully embrace this identity. It is to enjoy thoroughly and take great pride in finding myself so situated. It is to sense the extraordinary privilege that is mine through no merit of my own. It is to appreciate in a very human sense the dignity of the title bestowed on me and to walk with my head held high. It is to have the aristocratic bearing of one born to royalty. It is to envy no man anything, for my privileged position transcends all comparisons, eclipses all worldly honors and titles, and fills my cup with a joy beyond all telling.

"What is my Father like? One day He grew so apprehensive that I might fail to understand how loving and wise, gentle and powerful He is, that He sent me a complete and perfect expression of Himself in His Son Jesus. Everything my Father has, He entrusted to Jesus so that in looking at Jesus, I can see and know my Father. Let me tell you the most beautiful and thrilling thing He ever said to me I wake up to it each morning and lay there sleepy, dazed, and happy because I always hear it as for the first time. 'As the Father has loved me, so do I love you.'"

THIS is the truth that makes me free...

who we are...

"The only possible way to move out of our obsessive self-awareness and into the life of Christ is to surrender ourselves and let God be God. Such a surrender involves mining the field of our hearts and searching for this pearl of God's truth hidden deep within us: we belong to God. This precious discovery makes security, pleasure, and power look like cheap, painted fragments of glass.

"In claiming ownership of our divine status as sons and daughters of the Creator of the Universe, we gain a coherent sense of self. We lose ourselves to find ourselves. This loss paves the way for the Holy Spirit to transform our lives.

"This loving awareness of being the child of the Father moves us out of a life spent pursuing our base desires and frees us to pursue the kingdom of God. Everything we have and are forms but one self, one heart beating with the lifeblood of Jesus. "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." (Gal. 2:20). Therein lies transparency."

~Brennan Manning

Wow... amen.

...because time in the woods is a necessity

My friend Joelle and I drove to Jim Thorpe, PA last weekend to spend some time in the mountains. What a great weekend we had...

We figured out how to secure my new bike to the bike rack... and it didn't fall off... even for the whole 2 hour drive to the mountains!

Campsite 45... our home for the weekend. We set up our tent in complete darkness... and how relieved were we to find that the tent was NOT missing a pole!Biking along the Lehigh Gorge... so beautiful and so refreshing!

Taking a small detour to hike to Glen Onoko Falls... very beautiful!

And we even made our own fire at night... it might have taken us two hours to get it going and cook our dinner... but it was FUN!
We hiked some more on Sunday and found an old railroad tunnel...

And now we can't wait to go back... =)